blog play: Archive

The first American boy

(a lecture. By a cub scout. Who will become an eagle scout. Who will become a senator and a military man and the president of the united states of America. Until he is shot in the head and reverts back to his cub scout days because he has lost so much of his brain matter. And then lives out the rest of his life on the Appalachian trail, coming out only for the once a year battle of gettysburg...

May 22nd

Ripped from yesterday's headlines

Train station A man my age is sitting at a train station. Bags scattered around him. Ge stares at the ground and he begins to cry slowly. A black man, probably two and a half times my age sits down next to him. He notices a banjo case at the younger mans feet. Points and says “huh”. Younger man What’s all of this bullshit mean? Older man I haven’t figured that out...

Jan 20th

Body

Dec 25th

i'm a bad bad person

I’ve been terrible at updating this, and I apologize. That was completely my bad. I have been writing more in my notebooks rather than here on the blog, which was the intention of the blog in the first place. I am currently transcribing from the notebooks and have a goal to post the majority of those plays today. AND I PROMISE TO YOU, dear reader, THAT FROM NOW ON THE PLAYS WILL BE POSTED...

Nov 15th

thirty-nine

39. (10/23/2009) The eulogy for Charles T. Bloom [Billy O’Donnell takes the podium. The crowd at the funeral quiets down a bit. Billy has always had an incredible knack for words. Funny, and passionate, Billy can easily make someone think, even while making them laugh, or experience another emotion.] billy … We live in a frictionless universe. Friction is a myth. There is nothing to...

Oct 24th

thirty-eight

38. (10/22/2009) an apology to those who’ve had to deal with me. [Enter a man. He sets up a typewriter. This takes a long time. He notices that he doesn’t have a table. He walks off stage. He gets a small fold up table, the kind you have to unfold each leg on. He sets it up. This takes a long time. He doesn’t have a chair. He walks off stage. He enters with an office chair, the...

Oct 24th

thirty-eight

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Oct 22nd

thirty-seven

37. (10/20/2009) 37 cardboard cutouts. [on stage are 37 cardboard cut outs. They are 37 frames of an actual video of a man being shot. ]

Oct 21st

Thirty-six

36. (10/19/2009) an American werewolf in Botswana. A werewolf walks on to stage. A man is there as well. WEREWOLF Nice night, huh? MAN Yes sir. WEREWOLF Where am I? MAN Botswana. WEREWOLF Botswana? I know nothing about Botswana, including how I got here. MAN The Republic of Botswana is a landlocked country in Southern Africa. Citizens of Botswana are called “Batswana”...

Oct 20th

thirty-five

35. (10/18/2009) Doctors. 1 No…No… please don’t try and tell me how it works. I don’t know how it works. You don’t know how it works. And nobody can tell me how the whole thing “works”… but that’s the point, I think. If no one can tell you how it works then it just works and that’s it and that’s how the whole thing works. It works because you don’t know. That’s how I know I can be with a...

Oct 19th

thirty-four

34. (10/17/2009) forget it. [A cell phone rings. It continues to ring. It rings again. No one answers it. Brian enters.] SAM (off-stage) Who is it? BRIAN No one. SAM (entering) Well that’s not true. Brian What do you mean? SAM Well, I fit was no one, the phone wouldn’t have rung would it have? BRIAN It was my ex-girlfriend. SAM Oh. BRIAN Yeah. SAM What did she have to...

Oct 18th

thirty-three

33. (10/16/2009) The window seat F and R R I think it matters. F It doesn’t. R Isn’t it a matter of opinion? F No. R Well couldn’t whether or not it is a matter of opinion could be a matter of opinion? F Nope. R Well couldn’t that just be– F Stop. R I’m just saying. F I know. I’d like you to stop just saying. R Fine. F I just don’t like to talk about things like...

Oct 17th

thirty-one

31. (10/14/2009) oh to be young and in love and in paris (after Baudelaire) G and H sitting in a small café in Detroit. It is quaint. It is lovely. Wrought iron tables and chairs. Overpriced scones and cappucinos. It will be out of business in a few hours. Or weeks. Who knows, but the imminence looms over all of the conversations. G I wonder if somewhere else in the...

Oct 15th

thirty

30. (10/13/09) Halloween Everywhere a nationwide tactic. Denver, Colorado. A husband goes into the bathroom early in the morning. He shaves. His wife walks in. Just like any other day. He cuts himself shaving. Blood sprays everywhere. She screams. He tells her it’s a joke. She hits him in the chest. They laugh. New York, New York. A man gets hit by a car. A woman screams. A...

Oct 14th

twenty-nine

Preset on stage there is a small table stage center with a large pitcher of water. Next to it is a small glass. A man, aged thirty walks on stage. He pours water into the small glass and gulps the entirety of it down. Now that I think of it, maybe it’s a stool. But the flat kind that you can rest glasses of water on without fear that they might crash to the floor. He looks out at the...

Oct 13th

twenty-eight

26. (10/11/2009) when was the last time. A doctor’s office. Glenn sits awkwardly The doctor enters. DOCTOR Glenn? GLENN Yeah. DOCTOR How you feeling glenn? GLENN All right… just a little concerned about this tickle in the back of my throat. DOCTOR Yes, yes, we’ll get to that. GLENN Oh…okay. DOCTOR Now, then. It’s been a while since your last visit, hasn’t it? GLENN Almost...

Oct 12th

twenty-seven

(10/10/2009) forgot my wallet Din sits in his chair. Ellen walks in. ELLEN I forgot my wallet I think it’s over there. Is it over there? Are you sitting on it? Would you stand up to see I you’re sitting on it? Um. I’m afraid you might be sitting on it. I’ve only been gone for thirty, forty seconds an already I feel as if things have changed. Already I feel unwelcome...

Oct 11th

twenty-six

(10/9/2009) At the bar. Ben and Mark. MARK What the hell is this? BEN That is really all I need right now. MARK It’s got some fruit in it or something. BEN All I need is to see her in the bar. MARK A colada of sorts? BEN Really see her in any bar, you know? MARK Maybe it’s a PINA colada. BEN And she has someone with her! MARK Are ther other types of coladas. ...

Oct 10th

twenty-five

25. (10/8/2009) phantom limb. Two civil war renactors. One is missing his right arm. A: do you ever. B: God, all the time. A: Really? B: Yeah. I mean. Look at me. A: But what is… B: It’s like walking up the stairs at night and you think there’s another step, but there isn’t. A: Wow! B: It’s like, getting a molar pulled, and then constantly sticking your tongue in the hole, or...

Oct 9th

twenty-four

24. (10/6/2009) Phantom Conversations at a party. DONOVAN: You see, the beauty is as it rotates, the juices cook the chicken and the fat rolls right off of it. CINDY: Right… DONOVAN: and you can watch it through the little glass door and everything. CINDY: Fascinating… DONOVAN: Can I call you sometime? Bowie interrupts. ANOTHER: FRED: So you’re in med school, huh? RYAN:...

Oct 8th

twenty-three

23. (10/6/2009) Uncle Norman is putting together an electric football game on the floor. BILL I’m afraid I think far too much about women’s underthings Uncle Norman. NORMAN Well that’s natural. BILL Is it? NORMAN There were days, when I was a youngster, that I wouldn’t leave my bedroom because all I could seem to think about were women’s underthings. BILL oh. … but not sexy...

Oct 6th

twenty-two

22. (10/5/2009) a scathing commentary on the state of our colleges. Mac and Thomas. Mac packs for College. She leaves tomorrow. THOMAS Will you promise me something? MAC Sure. THOMAS Promise me you’ll never join an a capella group. MAC I… I promise.

Oct 6th

twenty-one

21. (10/4/2009) The Subway Sonata part two of many People get on and off the subway. Orange line. Two fifteen am. SHERYL Tired. Yawning. Tired. Closes eyes. Dejectedly stares out window. Nothing to see. DON Sick. Sickly. Feeling ill. Looking at window. Things go by too quickly. Feels ill. Drunk. Drunkenly holding onto metal bars. Sick. FRANK watching. Longingly. Out...

Oct 5th

twenty

20. (10/3/2009) oh, hey. Drunken rambling. A Oh hey. B Oh hey. A I haven’t seen you… B Yeah. Since A Yeah. How have you. B oh my god. How have. A Yeah. Good. Good. B Me too. A Good. Good. A yeah. B Yeah. So are you? A Yeah. Still living here. B Where? A Just down the street. B No way! A Yeah. You too? B No. But close. A Where? B Well. Not...

Oct 4th

nineteen

19. (10/2/2009) carving pumpkins Me and You. Carving pumpkins. YOU It’s too early to do this. ME What? YOU It’s too early to start carving pumpkins. ME Why? YOU They’re just gonna go bad. ME They’re gonna go bad no matter when we carve them. YOU I guess. A pause. ME I think, At the heart of the matter, People are difficult to work with. YOU Excuse me? ME It’s just, At...

Oct 3rd

eighteen

18. (10/1/2009) halloween is coming. Freddie and Angela. Cutting leaves into brown orange red and yellow construction paper. FREDDIE Today is October. ANGELA Excuse me? FREDDIE It’s just that. Today is the first day of October. ANGELA Yeah, I guess it is. FREDDIE That’s cool. ANGELA Yeah, I guess it is. FREDDIE That means that thanksgiving is coming up. ANGELA Yep FREDDIE...

Oct 2nd

seventeen

17. (9/30/2009) my body lives over the ocean. GUS My body lives over the ocean. By body lives over the sea! My body lives over the ocean. Won’t you bring back – JACQUES (while passing across the scene) Excuse me? GUS Yes? JACQUES I don’t mean to interrupt. GUS Oh… then: Won’t you bring back my body to me. JACQUES Yes. That’s what I thought. Are you singing “My body lies over...

Oct 1st

sixteen

16. (9.29.2009) a cool glass of water and a place to lay my head. The porch. In a modern house that looks off into the woods behind it. Down a bit is a small creek where people used to play but goes untended now. Margerine sits in a white wicker chair. Donald enters with two glasses of water and sets them on a table in front of her. MARGERINE Thanks. DONALD Yep. MARGERINE It’s...

Sep 30th

fifteen

15. (9/28/2009) a fourth grade social studies project. A fourth grade social studies classroom. There are only two posters on the wall: One is an inspiring poster of Barack Obama with a quote of his underneath it: On top it says Yes We Can! He is looking out at all of the people who’s lives he has changed and who’s dreams he has made come true. The other is a cat, hanging from...

Sep 28th

fourteen

14. (9/27/2009) subway sonata part one the first in a series of many the orange line. Twelve thirty PM. there are five people seated on a small subway car. An Asian woman sleeps. A homeless man behind her talks to himself about the weather. About the Baltimore orioles. About the Washington nationals. About the computer chip in his fillings. About the cavities he needs to fill...

Sep 28th

thirteen

13. (9/26/2009) cat scratch fever. A cat screeching A voice offstage: FUCK! Enter Dillinger. DILLINGER I just got scratched by a cat. I’m terrified of that. Because I could get cat scratch fever. It is a terrible disease, And my lymphnodes will swell up. A scream. A voice offstage: Shit! Enter Manson. MANSON I just got gored in the gut by a charging rhinoceros. I’m...

Sep 26th

character list for a bake-off

French-m-poet Dorin-m-playwright-sandra’s husband Burt-m-sculptor-gabi’s once boyfriend black. David-m-certified public accountant-gabi’s current boyfriend Sandra-f-painter Vanessa-f-multimedia artist-big time lesbian Gabi-f- sculptor now a receptionist at a gallery-changed The great Sordino-a magician. Once good. Now works almost exclusively for children’s parties. He wears the regular

Sep 26th

twelve

12. (9/25/09) come pick me up A man. Leaning against a sign post. He is waiting. A woman enters. Looks at him. Takes out a cell phone. She’s on the phone throughout this piece. Sometimes it is very difficult to tell who she is talking to. WOMAN Yeah. No. I slept a little. I said I slept a little. Yeah. I slept a little on the train. MAN Excuse me. WOMAN Yes? ...

Sep 25th

BAKE-OFF

You’ve heard of it. You’ve thought it might work. You’ve thought about trying it out. Here it is: Augie Praley attempts a 48 hour bake-off. What is a bake-off you ask? Let me tell you: supplied with a giant list of items, actions, themes and more fr a very wise and sage advisor, I will sit down and write a full-length play in 48 hours. The play then will behe beginning of a...

Sep 25th

eleven

11. (9/24/2009) полиция памяти (memory police) part one. Four imposing members of some form of secret police. Yellow jumpsuits. Masks covering their faces. We can see their eyes through large vinyl sheets. They carry metal detectors. They carry emp devices. They check for levels of radiation. KATYR May I help you gentlemen? GRIGORI No matter ma’am. We’ll find it if we...

Sep 25th

Ten

10. (9/23/2009) a kernel of truth FACT: The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin in World War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo. Two men on a bench. Older gentlemen. Staring off into the distance. The sun is beginning to set. HEINER I suppose. BERTOLT Well, I supposed first. HEINER There’s no telling who truly supposed it first unless someone were living...

Sep 24th

Nine

9. (9/22/2009) a play to be composed and completed five years from tomorrow the future. the future looks quite like a swirl of galaxies. it often blinks, and buzzes. winks and hums. the first thing we think of is morse code. then of semaphore. and then of smoke signals. the future is often mistaken with the past. the distant past. sometimes when a galaxy swirls a certain...

Sep 23rd

Eight A

8. a. flossing and singing. A man. In front of a mirror. Flosses. He sings. MAN bebbye ibb a fweind. Web I pow ‘es beeb a guwd fweind ub mieb Bubb waybweee pumpines painjed and ibss hawd to depine Bebbye’s bot hibself a gewl ebb I wanna bape hew bime. … domchu bow I wifh I hawd bebby’s gewl! domchu bow I wifh I hawd bebby’s gewl! Enter a woman. Angry. She has a large...

Sep 22nd

Eight

8. (9/21/2009) an interview inside of an interview inside of an interview inside of an interview inside of an interview inside of an interview inside of an interview the set of a popular public television show. Hal Bervis Tonight. Some music plays. HAL Good evening everyone and welcome to Hal Bervis tonight. I’m Hal Bervis, you’re host. A pause. Hal turns to another...

Sep 22nd

Seven A

7.a. museum. Christa and James. Unbelievably upbeat. At a cafeteria, outside the gift shop, in a museum. JAMES: I love this! CHRISTA: Me too! JAMES: We should do this more often! CHRISTA: CULTURE! JAMES: ART! CHRISTA: HISTORY! JAMES: Something to say about history! CHRISTA: And culture! JAMES: Hell yes, Culture! We can’t forget about culture. CHRISTA: I love the smell of...

Sep 20th

Seven (9/20/2009)

7. (9/20/2009) chester takes the escalator. A little boy, Chester, walks out on stage. He places his hand above him at a roughly forty-five degree angle… as if on the railing of an escalator. He watches his feet to make sure they don’t catch. He steps on. He looks up. Enter Carol, a woman deep inside of his imagination. She looks up to. CAROL: In nine days I will be...

Sep 20th

6. (9/19/2009)

(the first of three smoking gorillas walls up to the glass at a zoo. GORILLA ONE: I can stop at any time. I don’t need this. I don’t need any of this to get me through the day. Just. You know. I’m. Well. I’m just xopig with it. Huey newton. Packs of Newport a day. Just dealing with it you know. Cancer doesn’t come for gorillas all that often. GORILLA 2: My first...

Sep 20th

Five

5. (9/18/2009) the artist. An empty apartment. Enter a woman. Dark hair. Paint underneath her fingernails. Thick-rimmed glasses. Something foreboding. She carries two paintbrushes and a roll of canvas. She sets the canvas up on an easel. She pins it on the easel. And cuts the roll. A buzz at her apartment intercom. She goes to the small speaker on the wall,...

Sep 18th

Four

4. (9/17/2009) memorizing shakespeare (A NOTE ON THE SCRIPT: All lines in bold indicate lines directly from Shakespeare’s HENRY V. Lines in “quotes” are taken directly from various news sources, mostly cnn.com and bbc.com. Lines that are both Bold and Italic come from the speech Steve Jobs gave in 1984 when introducing the Macintosh computer. All other lines are taken from everywhere. Memory....

Sep 17th

MEMORIZING SHAKESPEARE

Unfortunately, MEMORIZING SHAKESPEARE requires a bit more dramaturgy than i thought. It will be my scene tomorrow. It will take a bit more time than thought. Today, enjoy “HAMMER TOSS”

Sep 17th

Three

3. (9/16/2009) HAMMER TOSS A man enters with an old fashioned trapezoidal weight. On the side of it he writes “2 TONNES.” Another man enters wearing a white and black onesie. He is bald. He has a curly mustache. He is the muscle man. MUSCLEMAN: I challenge anyone to lift as much as I. For I am the muscle man. As ninety percent of the world is covered in water And three hundred...

Sep 17th

Two A

2.a. there is a can of raid hanging from a string from the flyspace. Enter McCormick. She is in a white dress with pink polka dots. Or vice versa MCCORMICK: I am a daughter of the American revolution. I am a model American. I own a pair of keds tennis shoes and a two-piece bathing suit. I listen to NPR when I drive my hybrid SUV to soccer practice. Cello practice. Violin practice. There is no...

Sep 16th

1 tag

Two

2. (9/15/2009) a woman explains the ins and outs of the birds and the bees. WOMAN: well. The first thing to remember is that there are a lot if things you won’t remember. … I’m going to give you a lot of advice and ithink it is going to be difficult for your brain to take all of it into account. No-that’s not to say that I don think your brain is capable of handeling...

Sep 15th

One A

1.a Man: I think I just saw sammy Davis jr, checking the coin slots, of broken phone booths and parking meters. I think I saw Frank Sinatra walking his dog on the top of a subway platform. I think i just saw James Dean volunteering for the volunteer fire department. I walked by a thirteen person mariachi band with George Bush, George Bush, Bill Clinton, Warren Buffett, Gerald Ford,...

Sep 14th