twelve
12. (9/25/09)
come pick me up
A man.
Leaning against a sign post.
He is waiting.
A woman enters.
Looks at him.
Takes out a cell phone.
She’s on the phone throughout this piece.
Sometimes it is very difficult to tell who she is talking to.
WOMAN
Yeah.
No.
I slept a little.
I said I slept a little.
Yeah.
I slept a little on the train.
MAN
Excuse me.
WOMAN
Yes?
MAN
Do you have the time?
WOMAN
It’s …
She looks at her phone
Five thirty.
MAN
Thanks
WOMAN
No problem.
No I wasn’t talking to you.
I was talking to this guy.
Yeah.
Kind of.
MAN
Getting dark early these days.
WOMAN
Excuse me?
MAN
I just noted that it’s getting dark earlier these days.
WOMAN
Yeah.
That’s fall.
What?
I said that’s fall.
Yeah.
That’s fall.
MAN
Yep.
WOMAN
No, I wasn’t talking to you.
You.
I was talking to you.
Are you almost here?
You shouldn’t drive and talk on your cell phone at the same time.
I don’t know…
MAN
It’s dangerous.
WOMAN
Yeah…
He said it’s dangerous.
I don’t know.
Yeah he’s…
I’m sorry.
I’m being so rude.
MAN
Oh no, it’s nothing.
WOMAN
No I was talking to my friend.
MAN
Oh.
WOMAN
I shouldn’t have been having another conversation when…
Well of course you’re my friend.
I don’t know.
Well…
Girlfriend.
It has friend built in.
MAN
Oh.
WOMAN
What?
MAN
You’re a…
a…
WOMAN
A what?
Spit it out rain man.
MAN
A….
Lebanese.
WOMAN
I’m irish.
MAN
A lebosnian.
WOMAN
A what?
MAN
A woman who likes the company of other women.
WOMAN
A lesbian?
MAN
I don’t think that’s the word.
WOMAN
It is.
MAN
I don’t think so.
WOMAN
It is.
Yeah.
He called me a lebosnian.
Like a French Bosnian.
Le…Bosnian.
Yeah I don’t know.
He might be.
Excuse me.
MAN
Yes?
WOMAN
Are you a gay?
MAN
A gay?
No.
Not me.
no.
I was trying to flirt with you.
But I can go back to waiting.
I’ve gotten good at waiting.
I can just wait.
WOMAN
How long have you been waiting?
MAN
37 years, 5 months, and 21 hours.
WOMAN
For your ride?
MAN
Don’t be vulgar about it.
I thought I’d wait for marriage as a kid and then…
I don’t know.
WOMAN
oh.
OHHHHHHHH!
He’s a virgin!
You’re a virgin.
He’s a virgin!
MAN
Wow.
Thanks.
WOMAN
Jesus. What are you doing here?
MAN
I was on the train.
And now I’m waiting for my friend to pick me up.
Then I’m going to go home.
WOMAN
Wow.
I’m sorry.
MAN
It’s okay.
Don’t be sorry you’re a Lebanese.
I’ll find someone.
WOMAN
I’m not sorry about being a Lebanese,
I mean a lesbian.
I’m sorry for making fun of you.
MAN
It’s okay.
You just didn’t know better.
Lights flash on the two of ‘em. A car coming closer.
WOMAN
Yeah.
Oh….
I see you now.
Hangs up the phone.
Hey.
You’re gonna be all right.
MAN
Thanks.
Woman walks off.
Man picks up cell phone.
Dials.
MAN
Hey.
Mom.
It didn’t work out again.
Can you pick me up?
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