twenty-eight
26. (10/11/2009)
when was the last time.
A doctor’s office.
Glenn sits awkwardly
The doctor enters.
DOCTOR
Glenn?
GLENN
Yeah.
DOCTOR
How you feeling glenn?
GLENN
All right… just a little concerned about this tickle in the back of my throat.
DOCTOR
Yes, yes, we’ll get to that.
GLENN
Oh…okay.
DOCTOR
Now, then.
It’s been a while since your last visit, hasn’t it?
GLENN
Almost three years.
DOCTOR
I wondered what happened to you Glenn.
GLENN
Oh, nothing Doctor Habits. Just
You know.
DOCTOR
I don’t.
And I didn’t.
I was worried, but you were always the picture of health, so I didn’t think it was anything serious.
GLENN
Nope.
Just.
Out of town.
DOCTOR
Oh.
Okay.
Well, since this is your first visit to us in three years we’re going to need to do some recapping:
Just a couple of questions about your life since we’ve seen you last, all right?
GLENN
All Right.
DOCTOR
All right.
Are you sexually active?
GLENN
Yes.
DOCTOR
Multiple partners?
GLENN
Yes.
DOCTOR
Good for you.
Do you wear protection?
GLENN
Yes.
Most of the time.
DOCTOR
Most of the time?
GLENN
Well, there’s one girl, who I don’t with, or didn’t, because we were exclusive.
DOCTOR
Oh.
GLENN
We aren’t together anymore.
DOCTOR
Oh.
…
Have you ever sold your body into prostitution for drugs or money.
GLENN
What?
No.
DOCTOR
Just a few questions Glenn, that’s all.
GLENN
Okay.
DOCTOR
Do you smoke?
GLENN
I did once in high school.
DOCTOR
Excellent.
Do you drink?
GLENN
Yeah, but I’ve cut back significantly since college.
DOCTOR
Good for you.
Crystal meth?
GLENN
Are you serious?
DOCTOR
It’s become an incredibly popular drug, especially in the gay community.
GLENN
I just told you I was sleeping with women.
DOCTOR
I don’t hear things like that, glenn. I don’t judge, I’m a doctor.
GLENN
NO.
No crystal meth use.
DOCTOR
That’s good. Stay off of that! Trust me!
Okay. Just a few more.
When was the last time you went skinny dipping.
GLENN
I’m not sure I understand the relevance.
DOCTOR
Just think about it.
Or for that matter, when was the last time you just swam in a pool?
GLENN
I don’t like swimming in pools, I like swimming in the ocean. Or natural bodies of water.
DOCTOR
Oh, okay there eco-man.
GLENN
I’m sorry, doctor, I understand some of these questions, but I’m just here because I have this tickle in my throat and I was worried about Swine Flu.
DOCTOR
Yes, yes, we’ll get to that. It’s just that you’ve been gone so long, I need to get a complete work-up on you until I can diagnose you. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself knowing that I diagnosed you and prescribed a medicine that killed you because you one time went skinny dipping with one of your johns that you were having unprotected sex with who instead of money gave you crystal meth. Drugs react with people in different ways.
GLENN
I can’t believe you.
DOCTOR
Johns, is that what you call ‘em?
GLENN
You know what? I’m gonna go to another doctor. One who doesn’t ask this many fucked up questions.
DOCTOR
Glenn, wait.
I’m just…
I’m just lonely.
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