Thirty-six
36. (10/19/2009)
an American werewolf in Botswana.
A werewolf walks on to stage.
A man is there as well.
WEREWOLF
Nice night, huh?
MAN
Yes sir.
WEREWOLF
Where am I?
MAN
Botswana.
WEREWOLF
Botswana?
I know nothing about Botswana, including how I got here.
MAN
The Republic of Botswana is a landlocked country in Southern Africa. Citizens of Botswana are called “Batswana” (singular: Motswana), regardless of ethnicity.
WERWEWOLF
You don’t say. I would have guessed, by the name you know, that Botswana was in Eastern Europe. With one of the ‘stans. You know, Kazakhastan.
MAN
In the 19th century, hostilities broke out between the Tswana inhabitants of Botswana and Ndebele tribes who were making incursions into the territory from the north-east. After appeals by the Batswana leaders Khama III, Bathoen and Sebele for assistance, the British Government put “Bechuanaland” under its protection on 31 March 1885. The majority of Setswana-speaking people today live in South Africa.
WEREWOLF
I hate fighting. My wife and I fight all the time. She’s always like: “where do you go on nights when there’s a full moon” and I always say something like “Get off my back!” and she’ll always be like “what happened to us?
MAN
In June 1964, Britain accepted proposals for a democratic self-government in Botswana.
WEREWOLF
No way! I was born in June. But not in sixty-four. In eighty-four.
MAN
Botswana is the world’s 45th-largest country (after Ukraine). Mashatu Game Reserve is privately owned: located where the Shashe River and Limpopo River meet in eastern Botswana. The other privately owned reserve is Mokolodi Nature Reserve near Gaborone. There are also specialized sanctuaries like the Khama Rhino Sanctuary (for Rhinoceros) and Makgadikgadi Sanctuary (for Flamingos). They are both located in Central District.
WEREWOLF
I went to the zoo in my city, the city where I’m from….not for me.
MAN
Botswana has been hit very hard by the AIDS pandemic; in 2006 it was estimated that life expectancy at birth had dropped from 65 to 35 years.
WEREWOLF
Does Botswana have a lot of coconuts? Is that what botswana’s have?
MAN
There are days that I wish I didn’t live in Botswana.
WEREWOLF
Excuse me?
MAN
Days that I wish I were born in Germany, or Russia, or even our neighbor country south Africa. It is not because I wish to be somewhere better, somewhere nicer, but only because I wish to be from somewhere else. To be the personal tourist information for peope in another country’.
WEREWOLF
There are days I wish I weren’t a werewolf. Particularly on days with nights with full moons. Those are the days and nights that I am always snappy with my wife and co-workers.
MAN
Are you going to kill me?
WEREWOLF
No.
I don’t think I am…
…
Tell me something about another country.
MAN
I know only about Botswana.
WEREWOLF
Just make it up, I won’t know.
MAN
What country would you like me to talk about?
WEREWOLF (Taking a seat on the ground and looking up a the man)
Any country you like.
MAN
Okay….
There is no government in Antarctica. No. Instead, the penguins all gather at the north pole and push one another towards an edge. The penguin who stays in the center long enough reigns as the emperor of the emperors. That penguin has then the tough job of saying which penguins must venture to the edges of the ice and swim to the zoos in New York or Washington DC or Los Angeles or Berlin.
He talks to the werewolf about countries.
End.
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